Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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