Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
