My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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