Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
