I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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