I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Boobs are out for the taking
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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