You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
