Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
