So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bondingđ
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing âHappy Birthdayâ to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, âWhy didnât you sing along?!?â I responded, âI donât know him. I donât give a shit if he has a happy birthday.â
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