This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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