worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
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