We won't sleep together?
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
its not stalking. its research.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
