I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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