Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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