Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Two words: blizzard sex
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
