I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
