Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
