Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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