if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
