I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
