He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
