I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
