Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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