I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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