so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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