I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Watching her eat just hurts me
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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