I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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