She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
