some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Two words: nipple clamps
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