Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
