Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
bring money and cleavage
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
