Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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