Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
