is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
