someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
