Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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