i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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