Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
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