Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
