I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
