That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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