why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Dick very happy bro
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
