i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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