why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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