It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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