im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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