The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
