my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
he puts the penis in happiness.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Randomize
