Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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