Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
