so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
