drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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